The Play's the Thing
by glittering wolf
Summary: The guys are continuing their careers in acting, whether they want to or not.
1. It begins again

**I am back! You just can't get rid of me. This story will envolve multiple plays all in one story so I assume it will be long. If there's a play you want, feel free to request it in a review.**

**Once again, thanks to RAWN for being my beta, and I don't own Sonic.**

* * *

_'So it has been awhile since we last finished up the classic story of Snow White,'_ I said grandly.

"Completely butchered it too," Shadow added with a small smirk on his face.

I glared at him.

_'Yes, it may not have been traditional, but it was still so good that the guys have agreed to do even more plays with me!'_

"We did not!" Knuckles protested. "First you kidnapped us, and now we can't leave this stupid place because Amy is after us!"

I fixed my glare on the red echidna.

_ 'First of all, I did not kidnap you. I merely held you here against your will after taking you without your permission. Second this is Texas. And thirdly, you can leave any time I want.'_

Tails gave me a confused look.

"That's the definition of kidnap," he said.

"That's the definition of crazy," Rouge muttered.

_'Anyway!'_ I shouted becoming annoyed with all of the interruptions. _'The guys will perform even more plays for the enjoyment of others!'_

"You mean you," Sonic stated, a deadpan expression on his face. "I can't think of anyone else in their right mind enjoying this, not unless they're crazy."

I shrugged.

_'That's the internet for you.'_

"What play are we going to be doing anyway?" Knuckles asked giving me a wary look.

I pondered that for a brief moment.

_ 'I guess we could do anything,'_ I said with a shrug.

"Can we leave?" Espio asked hopefully.

I gave him a small, sympathetic smile, and reached out to place a hand on his shoulder as one does to comfort someone.

_'No,'_ I said my tone only somewhat mean.

"How about we do a play where a group of people are captured by a crazy girl, and they all band together to escape and in the end they all become friends or some other movie cliché like that?" Vector suggested trying to keep his voice nonchalant.

I gave him a strange look.

_ 'That plot wouldn't make any sense! Where would you even come up with something so ridiculous?_' I asked in honest confusion.

The group gave an exasperated sigh.

"I can't imagine," Shadow said sarcastically, rolling his red eyes in annoyance.

I missed the sarcasm completely and continued my brainstorming.

_ 'We could do anything. We could do Little Red Riding Hood, Hamlet, Spamalot..._' I began to list off a number of plays we could do.

Charmy interrupted my rambling by flying right into my face.

"If we must do more plays, can I at least not be duct taped? I hate being duct taped. Nobody even understood when I told you that epic story of where I was that one chapter, which I will tell you now if you don't mute me!"

I stared at him for a moment, my eyes tearing down into his soul.

_'Oh sweetie, if you really wanted to keep talking, you should have kept your mouth shut.'_

***5 minutes later***

Charmy went to sit in a corner, his arms crossed and his mouth, once again, duct taped.

"I kind of wanted to hear his epic saga," Tails said wistfully, staring at the bee as he sat brooding.

"Did you really have to duct tape the kid?" Sonic asked. "Your reasoning was kind of an oxymoron."

I stared at him blankly.

_'First off, who are you calling a moron? Second, the whole duct tape thing can be his catch. You know like Kristen Stewart being pale and kind of creepy.'_

They stared at me.

"That was mean," Rouge said simply.

_'No one asked you,'_ I snapped.

"No one asked you to drop that random pop culture reference/celebrity bash," Rouge retorted placing her hands on her hips.

_ 'I thought it might be funny,' I said with a small shrug. I turned my attention back to the small group. 'Well I think this was enough of an introductory chapter...'_

"You mean filler chapter," Sonic corrected.

I glared at him.

_'Whatever, now that that's over with, we can begin with the fun!'_

The rest of the guys groaned.


	2. The First Play is Chosen

**Yay! New chapter! I hope that you like it and will review. Not much happens, but I've been told it's funny.**

**Big thanks to RAWN for being my beta. She is really awesome and has written awesome stories that you should check out.**

**I don't own Sonic. I just write stupid stories about him.**

* * *

_'Okay,'_ I said putting my hands together. _'I've thought long and hard about which story we should perform first.'_

Shadow scoffed.

"Your 'thought process' was picking a name out of a hat," he complained.

I glared at him and pouted a little bit, crossing my arms.

_'It's a legitimate strategy!'_ I protested. _'It gave me an amazing play for us to perform.'_ I looked around at them expectantly, pausing for dramatic effect before saying, _'Little Red Riding Hood!'_

It was obvious from the looks on their faces that they were less than enthusiastic about doing yet another play, but I was kind of oblivious and didn't really notice.

_'This is going to be great!'_ I said jumping up and down on my heels.

"Yeah," Sonic said his tone dull and uninterested. "Just what we need, another long, drawn out fairy tale filled with searching chapters."

I shook my head.

_'Nah I'm so over that. This story will be maximum one or two chapters,'_ I assured them.

"Then we get to go home?" Knuckles asked hopefully.

I smiled at him encouragingly before crushing his hopes.

_'No,'_ I said bluntly. _'Then we pick another play using my brilliant picking method that is totally amazing,'_ I said directing that last part at Shadow with a glare.

He sighed and went to go stand alone in a corner.

Rouge sighed as well but she stepped forward.

"So I guess I'm going to be playing the lead again?" she said batting her lashes and rolling her eyes.

I frowned.

_'Actually Rouge,'_ I said carefully, knowing full well that what I said next would upset her. _'I was thinking you might make a better grandmother.'_

Everyone stared at me before they started to voice their complaints/opinions.

"What?" Rouge asked in outrage her tone taking on a dangerous element. "First of all, I'm not an old woman!"

I smiled.

_ 'Of course you're not! You're just going to pretend to be one on fanfiction,'_ I tried to assure her.

That didn't seem to reassure her at all.

"Who's going to play Red if it isn't me?" she asked warily.

"Amy's not going to come back is she?" Sonic asked his eyes going wide in panic.

I gave a huff of annoyance.

_ 'Like I want that crazy weirdo anywhere near my new story,' _I said irritably. _'I had someone else in mind for a Little Red Riding Hood. Someone Red.'_

My gaze flicked over to where Knuckles was standing and he immediately started backing away.

"No way!" he said. "I'm a boy! I can't be Red Riding Hood!"

I scoffed.

_'This is the 21st century,'_ I said. _'You don't have to adhere to gender stereotypes.'_

Knuckled glowered while the rest of the group around him snickered.

"Who's going to play everyone else?" Espio asked warily, dreading what role he might be cast as.

I tilted my head in thought.

_'I've got ideas,'_ I said thoughtfully. _'I actually don't think everyone will get a part in this particular play. Most of you will probably have to be consultants or something for now,'_

That caused a few hopeful looks to be exchanged.

_ 'Of course I can probably try and find something for you guys to do though so don't worry,'_ I said causing everyone else to groan.

Before anyone could say anything, I walked over to Tails, grabbed his and began to drag him away.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked trying hard to keep his voice from quivering. "Am I going to come back?"

_'Sure you are,'_ I said distractedly. _'You just need to do some character studying.'_

"What does that mean?" Sonic asked running up to block the path I was walking on, showing obvious nervousness at my grip on his best friend.

_'He's going to be playing the wolf in this play Sonic,'_ I said shaking the orange fox just a bit. _'He has to be prepared to play the role of a crazy, killer wolf, and I mean look at him, he's all small and cute. That won't do at all.'_

Vector looked at me skeptically.

"Why are you using him if he's too small and cute?" he asked.

_ 'Because he's a fox and that's kinda the same thing as a wolf,_' I explained. _'Besides watching a few hours of slasher films should prepare him perfectly for the role.'_

I quickly dragged Tails out of the room leaving behind a very surprised group.

"You can't let him watch slasher movies!" Sonic called behind me. "He's only eight! It'd give him nightmares!"

***Hours later***

I walked into the room, Tails trailing behind me obediently.

Sonic quickly ran over to his best friend.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

"I'm fine Sonic," Tails said sounding perfectly at ease. "I learned a lot from those movies you know."

"Like what?" Espio asked coming to stand near the small fox.

"The blonde always dies first, don't make out in the woods, and whatever you do don't go to parties in the middle of the woods near a town with incompetent police while a serial killer is on the loose. It won't end well."

"That`s good to know," Shadow said rubbing his chin.

Everyone gave him and odd look and backed away slowly.

"Okay so I'm Red Riding Hood, and Tails is the wolf, Rouge is the elderly grandma…" Knuckles' sentence was cut off by Rouge conking him on the head.

"Who's going to play the ax man?" she asked completing the echidna's sentence for him.

_'I don't know. We don't even have an ax anymore so it might be kind of difficult to act out that role,'_ I said doubtfully. _'We've already stalled enough for a chapter. I'm not even sure if we can write out a decent story right now. We might just have to write another chapter telling the actual story.'_

Shadow glared at me.

"I'm guessing there's not going to be any forth wall in this story either," he said annoyed.

I smiled at him.

_'Nope!'_


	3. Little Red Riding Knuckles

_'Once upon a time,'_ I said from the fancy director's chair that I 'borrowed' for the purposes of being a director. _'There was a little girl...'_

Knuckles growled and glared at me his hands clenched into fists.

"Girl?" he hissed.

_ 'I mean there was a little boy…. '_I tried to correct only to be interrupted by another growl.

"Little?" Knuckles hissed again.

_ 'There is just no pleasing you,'_ I said shaking my head. _'How about….There once was a perfectly normal size male echidna who was called Little Red Riding Hood for unknown reasons, and if you complain, I'm going to hurt you.'_

Knuckles scowled a bit at his introduction, but didn't dare say anything else.

_'Anyway, Red had horrible parents and a sickly grandmother, so naturally it was Red's job to take care of her…I mean…his grandma by bringing her a basket of goodies. He would have brought her medicine, but that stuff was expensive, so he brought her soup, the poor people's medicine.'_

The glare that Knuckles was sending my way was obviously saying, "Get on with it!"

_ 'Anyway, Red went off to see his grandma, the most wonderful grandma of all. Because, because, because...'_ I said before Shadow cut me off.

"Don't you dare!" he hissed.

I pouted a bit before rolling my eyes and continuing.

_ 'Anyway, Red was walking through the forest, and I'm just going to let the story tell itself for a bit.'_

Knuckles groaned, but he started his performance none the less.

"I'm walking through the woods with a basket of soup or goodies or whatever and I'm taking it to my grandma all by myself," Knuckles said in a monotone voice.

_'Thanks for that Captain Obvious,'_ I said sarcastically. _'Now if you don't mind, would you please act?'_

Knuckles scowled.

"What do you want me to do? You didn't write a script!" he snapped.

_ 'Why would you need a script? Who doesn't know the story of Little Red Riding Hood?'_ I asked.

"How am I supposed to know what to say and do what you want without a script?" he asked scowling and crossing his arms.

_ 'You don't need a script you need acting lessons!'_ I snapped before taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. _'Just don't point out the obvious stuff that's already been pointed out, and this should go fine.'_

Knuckles sighed and nodded.

"I better hurry and get this basket to dear old granny. If I want to get there in a hurry, I should go through the dark forest filled with many obstacles that will hinder my progress greatly instead of taking the clear path that leads straight to her house." Knuckles said rolling his eyes and heading forwards into the "forest".

_ 'Stop for a moment and let me get the stage ready for the forest scene,' _I commanded jumping up from my chair, and running onto the stage.

Knuckles happily jumped off the stage and waited.

***5 hours later***

I stepped back proudly to admire my work.

_ 'It's finished,'_ I called to the group, who had fallen asleep.

Knuckles walked back onto the stage and looked at it expectantly before a dismayed look came onto his face.

"It took you five hours to do this?" he asked incredulously. "That's an oversized piece of paper with a bunch of poorly drawn trees on it! How did that take you so long to do?"

I pondered that for a brief moment.

***one hour later***

_ 'I'm not quite sure,'_ I said finally.

Knuckles looked at me with a mixture of anger and disbelief.

"How did that take you an hour to come up with that?" he asked annoyed.

_ 'I will ponder that for a brief moment,'_ I said.

"That's not necessary," Sonic quickly cut in. "The stage looks…cool. I mean there's like three trees drawn on that paper and you even made some…. outstanding…. flowers out of pipe cleaners. That must have been difficult to do and we appreciate it."

He forced a smile before giving Knuckles a stern look.

Knuckles nodded and decided to continue on with his performance.

"I sure hope I don't meet any wild, dangerous creatures like a lion, tiger, or bear," he said, and the rest of us couldn't help but say, "Oh my."

_ 'That's your cue Tails,'_ I hissed pushing the fox onto the stage._ 'It's an irony thing.'_

Tails quickly came onto the stage and stood next to Knuckles, and said…nothing.

"So are you a wolf or something?" Knuckles asked staring uncomfortably at his friend.

Tails still didn't answer choosing instead to stare at him in a creepy way.

_'Tails! Why aren't you saying anything?'_ I asked.

He looked at me as if it should be obvious.

"The killer almost never says anything," he replied. "I could ask him if he like scary movies if you want."

I sighed annoyed.

_ 'Well you're going to be a talky killer. So talk,'_ I commanded.

Tails nodded.

"So do you like scary movies?" he asked Knuckles in a voice best described as creepy.

_'Not that!'_ I snapped.

"I mean, hi. Where are you going?" Tails corrected, his voice returning to a fairly normal tone.

Knuckles looked relieved at the lack of scary voice.

"I'm going to see my grandma," he replied. "She lives at this address. She's elderly and easy to overpower, and quite frankly, she's probably delicious and would make a wonderful meal for a wolf like you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take the long way and get there in about an hour. The shortcut's over there, pal, goodbye."

With that long speech, Knuckles walked away, leaving Tails alone.

Tails then laughed manically while lighting flashed in the background before he ran off.

"Where did the lighting come from?" Espio asked me in a whisper.

_ 'I have no clue,'_ I replied getting slightly worried that I may have made a grave mistake showing Tails those slasher flicks.

I walked up to the stage to begin setting up the bedroom.

***5 minutes later***

The stage was set up in an amazingly beautiful and impressive bedroom scene that looked professionally done.

"You never cease to amaze me," Shadow said in wonder.

Rouge quickly walked to the stage and lay down in the bed.

"This mattress is wonderful," she said in delight. "I think I might actually enjoy this scene,"

And Rouge might have thoroughly enjoyed the scene, if Tails hadn't chosen that moment to walk in and push her off the bed.

"I'm a wolf, and I'm going to lock you in a closet and eat your granddaughter….son…thing and save you for desert," he said dramatically, and added "Just go offstage. There is no closet," when he didn`t get a reaction from the shocked and slightly peeved bat on the floor.

Rouge glared at him and walked off the stage.

Tails sat on the bed and looked expectantly at the "door".

Knuckles quickly walked onto the stage and stared at the orange fox.

"Oh grandma, your sickness made you shrink," he said offhandedly walking closer.

"That's what happens when you're sick with whatever I have," Tails replied.

"Your eyes are big," Knuckles said, with a small smirk on his face.

"The bigger to give you angry glares for insulting parts of my anatomy," Tails replied cheekily.

"Your ears are so big," Knuckles commented.

"They never stop growing you know. It sucks being old," Tails said getting annoyed by the scene.

"Why grandma, what big teeth you have," Knuckles said, finally following some semblance of the story.

"That's great, now I can stab you," Tails said, pulling out a fake rubber knife.

_ 'That's not how it goes,'_ I complained as Tails chased Knuckles around the stage.

"You're the one who showed him slasher movies," Sonic snapped, watching his two friends with an expression of worry and amusement.

_ 'I suppose you have a point,'_ I said. _'Knuckles we don't have an ax for the woodcutter so you'll just have to wing it.'_ I called to the stage.

Knuckles quickly grabbed the knife from Tails and held it over him.

"Now I 'kill' the wolf, and the play can finally be over," he said his voice slightly bored.

_ 'But then the people from PETA intervened and tackled Red,'_ I said, pushing the remaining guys onto the stage.

Vector stumbled into Knuckles and they both fell off the stage.

_'Red was vanquished, and the wolf was sent to live in Yellowstone National Park,'_ I said. _'And the morals of the story are don't talk to strangers, PETA won't let you do anything fun, and most importantly, don't bring food to the elderly, it won't end well.'_

The guys just glared at me in a mixture of bewilderment at the unorthodox moral and contempt that the story was finally over.


	4. The Three LittleThings

**Sorry for the late update, I was distracted by Easter and UIL. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and will please review it.**

**Thanks to RAWN for being my beta, and I don't own Sonic, Sega does.**

* * *

_'Okay so our last play went really well,' _I said clapping my hands together earning me shocked looks of disbelief.

"Tails became a bit of a psycho!" Knuckles yelled.

"You sent him to Yellowstone Park," Sonic added.

_'He'll be back!'_ I protested_. 'I didn't put near enough stamps on that box. I'm sure they'll ship him back soon.'_

"Did you put air holes in the box?" Shadow asked. "I don't remember you doing that."

I thought about it for a moment before slapping a palm to my head.

_'I knew I forgot something!'_ I muttered. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled reassuringly. _'I'm sure he'll be fine. I mean you guys breath in space and stuff! I'm sure Tails can survive a cardboard box with no air.'_

Sonic gave me a nasty look and went to go stand in a corner.

_'Well, the show must go on,' I said casually picking up a piece of paper. 'Okay the plays that we can do are Les Miserables, Rapunzel, and the 12 Dancing Princesses, those plays where people throw things and scream, or anything really.'_

Rouge grimaced.

"Those all sound like horrible ideas," she complained. "We don't even have enough characters for half of those plays."

"Yeah," Vector agreed. "And there is no way you could make me play a girl's role. I'm not a sissy."

Knuckles then punched Vector in the stomach.

"Shut up!" he hissed.

I sighed.

_'Stop it,'_ I ordered. _'We're going to do a play either way so you guys want to or not, so you all should just come to peace with it.'_

They all groaned.

"Well if we have to do a play," Espio said reluctantly. "Can we at least do something that will allow us to keep our dignity?"

I looked at him thoughtfully and sympathetically.

_'Probably not... This is the internet after all. There's no place for dignity,'_ I said patting him on the shoulder.

Espio glowered and went to go brood in the corner with Sonic.

I clapped my hands together once again.

_'Okay, so I've decided that we should do the classic and beloved children's tale, "The Three Little Pigs"_' I announced proudly.

Everyone grimaced.

"None of us are pigs," Espio said flatly. "And the closest thing we have to a wolf was sent to Yellowstone in a box without air holes."

_'He'll be back,'_ I protested though I added sheepishly, _'You know…probably.'_

Sonic glared at me, and if looks could kill, I'd be dead ten times over.

_'Well…um…okay,'_ I said clearing my throat_. 'I think that Vector, Espio, and Charmy will make fine pigs, and yeah we'll just figure the rest out as we go along.'_

"Couldn`t you use the 'hogs' for those parts?" Espio complained and gestured toward the fuming blue hedgehog and the annoyed red streaked one.

_'That won`t do, they`re only two. Besides I need someone more cheerful to play the pigs.'_

Vector and Espio grimaced while Charmy started flailing around.

_'No I will not take the duct tape off of your_ _mouth_,_'_ I said answering his unasked question. _'You're just going to have to perform as you are. I mean seriously, the whole not speaking thing could really_ _be your stick!'_

Shadow stared at me with a deadpan look.

"You mean shtick?" he asked his voice monotone.

_'Bless you,'_ I said sympathetically.

"I'm pretty sure you already used that joke," Shadow retorted crossing his arms. "I'm pretty sure you've already used all the same jokes twice."

_'And that's my stick!'_ I told him happily. _'Now let's do that play!'_

"It's shtick!" Shadow called after me irritably as Espio, Vector, and Charmy walked dutifully to the stage.

Once they were onstage, it began. Again.

_'Once upon a time there were three pigs, except they weren't so much pigs as a crocodile, chameleon, and bee, but for the purpose of simplicity, they're just going to be called pigs.'_ I said my tone leaving no room for arguments.

Espio rolled his eyes, and Vector slapped a palm to his head. Charmy just kind of stood on the stage, doing nothing interesting.

"We're pigs," Vector and Espio said dully, while Charmy said, "Mmmmmm.' Also quite dully.

_'Shush!'_ I ordered. _'You're not supposed to talk yet. Wait for your cue.' _I cleared my throat and began again_. 'Yes, they were pigs for the purpose of this story, but they decided one day that they should leave the place where they were currently staying, and go make themselves homes in the dark forest where there were wolves. Because they were smart like that.'_

I looked pointedly at the three on stage.

"What she said, and now we will do stuff I guess," Vector said uncertainly. "You know, pig stuff."

"I guess we make our houses now," Espio said looking at me for confirmation.

I smiled and nodded.

_'There are supplies behind the stage. Feel free to be as creative as you want, but remember you only have 30 minutes to build your house,'_ I instructed.

"We have to build our houses?" Vector asked staring at me in disbelief.

"This is part of that whole method acting you're so crazy about, isn't it?" Espio asked though he already knew the answer.

_'Good luck guys,'_ I said cheekily waving and walking off of the stage. _'You'll need it,_' I added under my breath.

The guys groaned and walked behind the stage to find an assortment of materials that they could use to build their house.

"Well let's get this over with," Espio muttered grabbing a deck of cards. "I'm just going to make something right fast so this stupid play can be done with and she can choose a new victim."

He began to set up the cards in an organized way and in a few minutes he had made himself a house of cards.

"I guess that will have to do," he said satisfied with his handy-work.

Vector eyes it approvingly.

"That looks good Espio," he said. "I made my house out of what I think are Lincoln logs. I guess it will be good enough."

Charmy mmmmed really loudly so he could get the others attention. When they looked his way, he started flailing around wildly and mmmmed like crazy. Finally he pulled back and proudly showed off his house made out of Legos.

"Mmmmm mmm mm mmmmm mm," he proclaimed proudly.

"Wow Charmy Legos," Vector said sarcastically. "That's real original. Bricks, that's really the dumbest building material."

Espio nodded his head in agreement while Charmy hung his in shame.

_'Your time is up!'_ I called from the front of the stage. _'Show us your houses and then we can begin the play.'_

The guys quickly pushed their houses onto the stage, and I appraised them.

_'Those look lovely,'_ I said sweetly. _'Now we can begin the second part of the play, and just in time too.'_

_"_What do you mean?" Vector asked warily.

_'I just got a package from the people at Yellowstone!'_ I said braggingly_. 'And I'm pretty sure I know what it is.'_

Sonic brightened at the prospect of his best friend coming back before a flash of worry came over his face.

"Is he alright?" he asked worriedly.

_'I'm sure he's fine. I mean I heard scuffling coming from inside the box so I guess that mean he didn't run out of oxygen.' _

Sonic looked relieved at that, and I couldn't help but smile.

_'I suppose I could let him out of the box now. I mean his part is coming up. I've decided that from now on, Tails should be our crazy killer wolf. I don't think I can undo any of the psycho training so I figured that it would be best to just roll with it.'_

I quickly brought the box out and opened up, dropping the orange fox onto the ground.

"Hey Sonic," he said brightly. "I missed you when I went on my trip. I wish I could have gotten you a snow globe or something, but I had to stay in that dark box. Sorry."

"It's alright buddy," Sonic said reassuringly. "How was the box?"

"There was no oxygen," he said simply.

_'Yeah lack of oxygen, that's wonderful,'_ I said. _'Now it's time for your performance! Get out there!_' I ordered giving the small fox a push.

Tails quickly ran onto the stage.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing," he announced.

_'Just go knock the houses down and yell at them,'_ I told him tiredly. This chapter was getting entirely too long.

"All right," he agreed before walking quietly over to Espio's house of cards.

"I'm going to knock down your house," he said simply "…because it's made out of a senseless material."

With that Tails blew on the card house and it toppled over.

Then he moved on to Vector's house and simply pushed it over without bothering to comment on it.

Espio and Vector glowered at the fox who went over to Charmy`s house.

"I like your house," Tails said cheerfully. "Legos are awesome."

With that Tails walked off the stage and went to go stand next to Sonic.

I stared at the docile fox in amazement.

_'What do you know,'_ I said more to myself than anyone else. _'I guess being inside a box kind of knocks some of the craziness out of you.'_


	5. Rumplestiltskin

**Hooray! I actually wrote a chapter! It might take me awhile again because I've got the attention span of a gnat lately, but I'll try to get more chapters in soon. Thanks to the few people who actually like my story and read and review it. **

**Once again I don't own Sonic and thanks to Rawn for being my beta**

* * *

_'Alright! Let's get started on our next play,'_ I announced happily skipping to the center of the stage.

I was met by a sea of angry faces.

"Where the heck have you been?" Shadow asked. "It's been over a month since you updated!"

_'I've been busy!'_ I protested. _'There was that writing contest that I lost. There was that test that I didn't study for. Then there were all those internet videos that needed to be watched. Honestly, it's a wonder I was able to do this.'_

"You suck," Knuckles said flatly.

_'Yes I'm aware of that,'_ I said my tone annoyed. _'Now if you don't mind we're going to continue on with our stories.' I cleared my throat to give the allusion that my next words were important. 'I have decided that for our next performance we will do the timeless classic, "Rumplestiltskin"!_'

That owned a groan from my prisoners, I mean, cast members.

"Since when is Rumplestiltskin a timeless, classic tale?" Espio asked folding his arms.

_'Since shut up,'_ I retorted stubbornly.

"What a great comeback," Sonic said sarcastically.

_'That's it!'_ I snapped. _'Both of you are in a time-out! Go to the corner.'_

Espio and Sonic looked at me in mock horror.

"Oh you're not going to force us to perform for other people's amusement?" Espio gasped. "Oh the horror."

Sonic laughed not even trying to hide his amusement.

_'I'm going to lock you in a cramped, dark closet_,' I threatened. _'If you want to know what dark spaces can do to a person just look at Tails.'_

Sonic and Espio looked in the direction of the two-tailed fox. Tails was currently sitting on the floor building something out of Legos. He was lost in his own little world and would growl whenever anyone got too close.

"I blame you for that," Sonic said angrily shooting his friend a concerned look. "He was perfectly fine before we started doing your stupid story!"

I shrugged.

_'Well that happens. Have you seen today's movie stars? They're all insane! It was only a matter of time before it started happening in fanfiction.'_

Sonic and Espio looked at me in exasperation before walking over to the corner for their time out.

_'Tails!'_ I shouted. '_Get ready. You're going to play Rumplestiltskin! Rouge you're the helpless bimbo. Shadow you're the helpless bimbo's lying father, and Knuckles gets to be the stupid king.'_

"That was offensive on so many levels," Rouge said rolling her eyes. "What kind of clothes does a helpless bimbo wear?"

I gave her a once over.

_'What you're wearing should do nicely,'_ I commented offhandedly.

Rouge's face turned red and her eyes flashed dangerously.

"Excuse me?" she yelled. "This is not the outfit of a helpless bimbo."

"Yeah," Knuckles agreed. "That's the outfit of a bimbo who can kick butt."

Rouge stared at Knuckles in dead silence for a few seconds;

***5 minutes later***

Knuckles lay unconscious on the floor, a huge knot on his head. Rouge wore a new gown that looked very much like something a helpless bimbo would wear, and I had to promote Vector to the stupid king.

_'Okay people, get onstage and let's begin,'_ I announced sitting down. _'Action!'_

"We don't know what to do," Vector complained standing awkwardly on the stage with his cast mates.

I sighed in annoyance and walked onto the stage. I carefully pulled Vector and Tails off the stage and motioned for Rouge and Shadow to begin their acting.

_'Once upon a time there was a girl who lived with her father. The girl was sixteen years old and unmarried, which was apparently a big deal back then. They were poor, and the dad was a compulsive liar who wanted to be rich. Then this happened.'_

Rouge and Shadow exchanged startled glances before beginning their performances.

"You should be married, and also you should give me money," Shadow said in a deadpan voice.

Rouge scowled.

"You're a lying jerk and I wish to live elsewhere," Rouge said evenly glaring at the black hedgehog.

Suddenly Vector was mysteriously shoved onto the stage.

"Hey!" he called back giving a death glare.

"I think I can solve both of our problems," Shadow said simply. He walked over to Vector and pulled him towards Rouge. "My daughter here can turn straw into gold or something awesome like that. Marry her and let your father-in-law move into the castle."

Vector rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"That sounds amazing and totally real strange man I've never met before," he said shaking Shadow's hand. "You've got yourself a deal."

Shadow quickly moved Vector's hand to hold Rouge's and all but ran off the stage.

Rouge and Vector stared at the floor, unsure of what to do next.

_'Here,'_ I said. _'Just let me set the stage for the next scene, and then you guys can finish the play.'_

I grabbed a hammer and some nails and walked onto the stage.

***15 minutes later* **

The stage was set perfectly. There was a pile of straw and an old fashioned spinning wheel sat in the corner.

_'Perfect,'_ I said stepping back to admire my work.

"What was the hammer and nails for?" Vector asked.

_'To punish anybody who questioned my artistic skills,'_ I snapped waving the hammer around threateningly.

"That's wonderful dear. The stage looks beautiful. No need to use that nasty hammer," Rouge cooed trying her best to be soothing. "We're just going to do the rest of the play now."

I nodded slowly, eyeing her warily while she made some hand gestures to Vector.

"So you spin this hay into gold and I will make you my queen. If you don't, you'll be beheaded," Vector declared.

Rouge batted her eyelashes at him.

"I'm sorry your highness, I only turn stray into gold," she said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Deal with it!" Vector shouted before storming dramatically off the stage.

Rouge shrugged before dropping to her knees and letting out an unconvincing sob.

"Oh woe is me!" she sobbed. "I am but a poor helpless bimbo who cannot turn this hay into gold. What's a girl to do?" She threw her hands up in the air and fell to the floor in a dramatic heap.

Tails entered onto the stage then.

"Hi lady," he said kindly. "I was listening in on your conversation and I think I can help you because I have magic skills."

Rouge looked at him strangely.

"How did you get down here?" she asked in amazement.

"Oh I've been stuck down here for three years," Tails said simply. "I like it. The darkness reminds me of my mother."

Rouge looked at him strangely.

"Well isn't that interesting," she said lamely. "Now what was that you said about helping me?"

Tails nodded.

"I am a magic person. I can spin this hay into stray so you can turn it into gold," he said happily.

"I actually can't do that either," Rouge confessed. "Can't you just do all the work?"

Tails nodded again.

"Alright," he agreed. "But you have to give me your first born child."

"What do you want with my first born child?" Rouge asked.

"My mom wants grandchildren," Tails explained. "And this seemed a lot easier than going out into the world and meeting a girl."

Rouge stared blankly at the small two-tailed fox for a bit.

"Sweetie we really need to get you in therapy. That box really messed with your head," Rouge said sadly. "Anyway that all sounds fantastic. Get to work."

_'Tails quickly set to work spinning the hay, and come morning, the job was done,' I narrated. "The king was overjoyed and took Rouge to be his wife. Then the appropriate amount of time later, Rouge had a beautiful baby boy. Later that day, the mysterious stranger who had helped Rouge appeared.'_

Charmy had been dressed in a bonnet and was currently being held by Rouge. He looked rather cross, but it's not like we had any another options. Nobody else would have looked funny enough dressed in a bonnet.

"I'm here for the baby" Tails said walking towards Rouge.

Rouge clutched Charmy close to her chest, slightly suffocating him though that may have been because the tape made it kind of hard to breathe.

"Oh please don't take my baby," she begged. "I love him so much. Isn't there anything else I can do? Aren't we friends?"

Tails looked at her thoughtfully.

"Fine, if you can tell me my name, you can keep your baby," he compromised.

Rouge stared at him blankly.

"You don't know my name do you?" Tails asked annoyed. "You stupid jerk! I spend an entire night spinning gold for you, and you didn't even bother learning my name? I told you like eight times! You know what? Forget you and your baby! I don't care anymore!"

With that, Tails stormed off the stage and ran out the room.

"Does this mean the play's over?" Rouge asked hopefully and Charmy mumbled in agreement.

I stared after Tails sadly.

_'I guess that's a wrap. Man we really have to get that kid some therapy.'_


	6. In Which Nothing Happens

**I've written another chapter, sort-of. It's kind of a chapter, and I hadn't updated in awhile so this is what came out of it. Hope ya'll like it and will review.**

**I don't own Sonic, and thanks to RAWN for helping me. It takes a special type of person to put up with me and you are awesome.**

* * *

_'Okay guys, I've been thinking that for our next performance we should do something fun or maybe do one of those few suggestions that people requested,'_ I suggested placing a hand on my chin thoughtfully.

Sonic stared at me incredulously.

"How about we work on fixing Tails?" he asked, his voice harsh.

Said two-tailed fox was currently spinning around in little circles while humming quietly to himself in an almost creepy fashion. It really was unfair for Sonic to blame me for the kit's descent into madness. I mean, I did make him watch countless of scary movies and locked him in an airtight box for a couple of hours, but still, that could happen to anyone!

_'I don't think there's anything to be done,'_ I said simply with a shake of my head.

"We could take him to surgery," Shadow suggested eying Tails warily. "We should probably do something before he murders us all in our sleep or something."

I shook my head.

_'Nah_,' I said. _'I'm sure he'll be fine. My parents wanted to send me to a therapist when I was a kid, but they didn't, and look how well I turned out.'_

I smiled at them proudly despite the identical looks of horror that went across their faces, and laughed heartily as Sonic groaned something that sounded vaguely like, "We're doomed."

Rouge walked over to me to me, her expression hard to read.

"I would insist that we immediately admit Tails into a psyche ward so that we can address his mental trauma," she said. "But as I know you'll just ignore me and do whatever the heck you want, I'm just going to ask what the viewers have suggested."

I shrugged.

_'Well, all two or three of them have suggested,'_ I stopped for a minute while I pulled out a list, well more like a note card of all the suggestions._ 'Les Misrebles,'_ I said first.

Rouge's eyes went wide.

"That's an award winning production! Do you think we could pull it off?" she asked.

_'Not at all,'_ I answered. _'Let me tell you all I know about Les Misrebles. It had Anne Hathaway. They sung everything. Stuff was on fire at one point I believe. They had a revolution that was not of the Dance Dance verity. Somebody waved a flag. But we will maybe try it eventually. After I learn anything whatsoever about it.' _

My mini-speech earned me a plethora of stares.

"I think that will be the worst day of my life," Knuckles said placing a palm to his forehead.

_'The next suggestion was the Twelve Dancing Princesses,_' I said.

Knuckles glowered. I had apparently mentioned a day that was going to be worse for him than Les Misrebles.

_'I think there may be a problem there since we only have like 10 people,_' I said, counting the number out on my fingers.

"There's 8 of us. 9 if you want to include yourself," Espio said in a deadpan voice, not even needing his fingers to figure out the math.  
I shrugged.

_'Well that's the Grady ISD curriculum at its finest,_' I said sadly. _'Now for that reason, production of that play will be put on hold.'_

"Are we going to do any plays?" Vector asked.

_'What do you expect?'_ I asked. _'I'm very lazy and lack the motivation to accomplish things! Ever.'_

"Then why are we still here?" Sonic asked in exasperation.

_'Because I'm going to get to it eventually. You know, probably,'_ I said while rubbing the back of my head awkwardly. I cleared my throat and looked back at the card._ 'And that was it actually. Nobody else requested anything.'_

Shadow gave me a wry look.

"So what story are we going to do next?" he asked, his tone even.

_'I'm not actually sure. I hoped that it would just miraculously come to me while I was talking to you guys right at this very moment, but my mind is still blank. I think this series of paragraphs was mostly to let the audience know that I wasn't eaten by wild badgers or anything.'_

"So this chapter was a completely pointless filler chapter?" Knuckles asked.

_'Yes I suppose it was,'_ I turned to look around at an imaginary audience. _'Tune in next time to hear all the same jokes twice,'_

Knuckles whispered to the rest of the cast behind my back, "Who the heck is she talking too?" A question to which nobody knew the answer too.

_'Read bad parodies of stories, and see if we can actually get anything done.'_

"We can't," Espio stated blandly. "This fanfiction just keeps getting dumber and dumber."


End file.
